By Anwaar Hussain
World Prout Assembly
Nov 3, 2009

Listen up Government of Pakistan. If I were a Taliban advisor, this is what I would advise them;

First and foremost I would tell Hakimullah Mehsud, the Shadow of God, to raise the golden whip of religion a little higher and continue wielding it at that height flogging all and sundry every once in a while in the name of God, the Prophet and the Holy Book, throwing in America with each lash for good effects. It will serve a triple purpose, I will tell him. The opponents will remain guilty with their hearts never into their task. Our mujahideen will continue to die for us in their quest for heavens and the never ending pleasures that lie therein. And lastly, but equally importantly, fresh recruits will be drawn to our cause like moths to the flame. The golden whip, I will tell the Emir, is to be the central pillar of our strategy and there should never be any forgetting of this vital fact.

Having so affixed the mainstay of our strategy, next I would advise him that lengthening the current conflict favors us Taliban. And that while military resistance must continue in the long-drawn-out struggle, the bulk of the effort should gradually shift to political subversion through already supportive leaders of Islamic parties and malleable pseudo-seculars both within and outside the government. The idea, I would tell him, is to recruit enough people close to the nerve centers of the civilian government and the military apparatus to be able to ultimately seize control of governmental structure, given the signal.

Along with our efforts for political subversion, I will counsel my boss, we should take the war into the cities big time now. That Pakistan has become increasingly urbanized and if a change has to come it will be from the urban rather than the rural. That the hitherto infrequent suicide attacks were simply neither big enough for Pakistan's burgeoning mega-cities nor scary enough for their populace. By taking the war to the cities, not only will we terrorize the already terrified Pakistani nation some more, we will also sow chaos and disorder, I will opine. That is sure to invite a governmental backlash in the shape of further dictatorial measures in the name of security. Using the golden whip, we will quickly paint this reaction as a Godless government's repression of an innocent Muslim populace. Not only will we further frustrate the opponents, separating the people from the government is the corner stone of our struggle any way. The golden whip always, I will remind my lord.

Parallel to our strategies above, I will advise for raising the barbarity level up a notch or two. Up until now we have been rather careful in our mode and methods, what with just a few hundred killings every couple of weeks. Plus, suicide bombings have been repeated so many times, with some anonymous miserable wretches blown to doll rags, that the effects are now lukewarm. The Pakistani nation too has become kind of 'bomb-proof' to this routine. Let us introduce the full scale slaughter of women and children, I would plead. That though the chosen targets should preferably be related to government's officials, army personnel, media men and other prominent opponents, any one's family would do if the situation so demands. Later, brandishing the golden whip, we could always lay the blame on the Uzbeks, the Indians, the Jews, the Americans or any combination thereof. Simple really, I would add.

Next, I would point out that a time has come for our Jihad to move beyond clans, tribes and ethnic group. That though marshaling the Punjabi Taliban was a good first step; we now needed to go national on urgent basis. Common Pakistanis needed to be rallied in our support and in that we should appeal to the exploited and the repressed by playing up their grievances. Economic injustices can foster revolutionary unrest, as can racial or ethnic persecution, I will remind the big man. Not only that, we should also invite more criminals, common thugs, mercenaries, murderers and all others who want to wash their sins by fighting for the holy cause. That should be easy, I would hint. Because under the present system, people have been indiscriminately abused maltreated, victimized, and dishonored for a rather long time. So while on the one hand we would remind the people of the tyrannical excesses of the present system, on the other we must promise them political, social, and economic benefits once our Caliphate takes hold. This all under the hiss of the golden whip would surely yield results, I would reemphasize.

Once I have rendered all of the above advices, I will respectfully take my Emir to a corner and give him the ULTIMATE ADVICE. And that is that once the Taliban have the reins of power firmly within their grasp, we would then have to swiftly deal with two problems i.e. the problems of the 'will of the people' and the internal power struggle. It would be here that I will let my lord in on the real usage of the golden whip. To be the lifelong Caliph of a submissive Caliphate, I would suggest daring a wink, we will simply goldwhip into the system the 'will of God' and out of it the 'evil' power seekers, with the 'will of the people' taking a well deserved hike of course. The golden whip always, I will remind the Caliph, giving him the example of the next door Iran.

Two questions then. One, whose adviser the scribe really is? And two, who was it that said, "Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it."?

Anyone?